how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
