Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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