you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
