There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
