Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
