Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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