The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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