Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
