this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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