he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize