We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
