where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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