This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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