That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
