: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
