Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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