So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
