How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
