You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
