It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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