Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
