Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
