you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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