So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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