Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you never un-have a 4some
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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