it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
