my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
