The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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