If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sext me about skeletons
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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