Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have aggressive nipples.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
