none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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