I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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