don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
