My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize