Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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