Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
