Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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