Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
