shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The Olympian is in my bed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
