At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
