I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
