Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
