Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
