She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
