After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
