we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
