I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
