you traded sex for a burrito?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
