Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
