Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
