Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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