So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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