I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
