Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
