last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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