Betty ford says i'm here all night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
