smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
