After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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