I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize