Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
