I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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