Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
