i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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