I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize