k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
