i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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