i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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